Lean Cuisine Beef Chow NOT Fun

How did I ever think that the combination of American food processing plant workers and their European parent company would equal delicious Cantonese food? I have been fooled before by Lean Cuisine. I love the LC Chicken Fried Rice Café Classics Bowl and the Sesame Chicken with noodles and veggies. The “new” moniker on the LC box drew me in and I was a goner. Now I am here at Starbuck’s trying to resuscitate my taste buds with the afternoon pairing of a latte, iced of course—its 94° outside peeps—and a wedge of reduced-fat cinnamon coffee cake. I know this is not exactly point-friendly but my lunch was awful.

AL knows I love Asian noodles of all sorts. I love Ramen, Pho, Bun, Pad Thai, Pad See Yew, Lo Mein and Chow Fun. Noodles are fun! I also love Asian dumplings of all kinds as they are so closely related to my noodles. Dumplings deserve their own post. (Stay tuned because LC now has an Asian dumpling entrée!)

Beef Chow Fun is defined by Wikipedia as “a staple Cantonese dish , made from stir-frying beef, hefen (wide rice noodles) and bean sprouts and is commonly found in Chinese yum cha restaurants.” I am not sure what yum cha means but the dish sound pretty simple. The last time I had Chow Fun before today was a Penang, a Thai-Malaysian restaurant on Buford Hwy. Their menu description: flat noodles in a special sauce with scallion and bean sprouts. LC describes their Chow Fun as Tender strips of beef over bed of flat noodles with snap peas, red peppers and water chestnuts tossed in a sweet and spicy Asian-style sauce. Let’s start with what we know: were are the bean sprouts??? Moving on…

I have to admit I was concerned as soon as I vented the plastic film. The beef was akin to something you would find at Arby’s. Upon inspection of the ingredient list, I realized the beef was “seasoned cooked meat product.” Clearly, this type of beef does not occur in nature. It was scary and absolutely nothing like the picture on the box. After this morning’s coup d’état in the breakfast sandwich world, I had high expectations for lunch. I was gravely disappointed. Everything tasted so watered down. I hate to use that expression because its so colloquial. That is what it was. Beyond the horrific taste, the texture was grotesque—the beef was mealy, the red peppers and snap peas were mushy. The noodles were the only light at the end of the tunnel, possessing a nice al dente quality. I am not sure what LC descriptionist thought the sauce was “spicy.” Please.

Asians everywhere should be ashamed. However, Italians everywhere should be proud because my husband, the Great Langini, has just made the most wonderful vegetable ragu for pasta. I hear the dinner bell—peas out!